By Michael Mordenga, GUG Contributor
This article was edited to Geeks Under Grace standards, and the personal opinions of this author are not necessarily that of Geeks Under Grace.
Movies, television, and video games bring us laughter, suspense, and drama; but have you ever pondered what it would be like to go into your church and find Michael Scott running the front office? Here are famous fictional characters we would not recommend as church staff.
Mad Men’s Don Draper as the Outreach Director
What he offers:
The charismatic ad exec would bring his radical and viral marketing, making it impossible to look away. The community would know your church exists because it would have the flashiest lights, the biggest billboards, and a multimillion-dollar ad campaign that would drive other churches out of business. Don’s glitzy, glossy advertising could fill the pews, and even the most estranged guests would consider giving your church a try.
Why he would fail:
Charisma and eye-catching visuals are important qualities for an outreach director, but they can also have a significant downside. The appeal of Jesus was never intended to dazzle and entertain like a flashy casino. Instead, Jesus demonstrated the attractiveness of His ministry through actions that produced genuine results. Simple acts—giving a cold cup of water to the thirsty, stopping to help a wounded man, or visiting people in jail—were His loving way of drawing others in. While Jesus was known for performing jaw-dropping miracles, the majority of His ministry focused on good, faithful work. Glitz and glamour can become distractions, diverting attention from the church’s true message: to love God and our neighbors (Mark 12:29-31).
Tomb Raider’s Lara Croft as the Missions Director
What she offers:
Lara would not hesitate to send a team of parishioners into the wild deserts of the Savannah or the hot jungles of the Amazon. She is a treasure hunter, making her perfect for hunting down new people to reach. Youth would investigate ancient and secret tribes, explore hidden caves, and deliver the good news to sacred temples, promising excitement and adventure. No one would regret going on a mission with her.
Why she would fail:
First of all, the insurance, budgeting, and paperwork for one of her excursions would bankrupt any church. Even though she would be an expert at physically reaching the lost, that expertise misses the most important part of church missions. Lara would not lower herself to undertake local mission work; that would bore her. She forgets that the gospel needs to be taught in the church’s backyard as well as overseas. Jesus never expected everyone to drop everything and travel across the world to serve Him. When He healed the man possessed by a legion of spirits, He told the man to stay in his city and live a normal life (Mark 5:19). Missions can’t all be exotic, and that is good news for your hometown and friends. (Also, no poisonous snakes and spike traps.)
The X-Men’s Professor X as a Discipleship Pastor
What he offers:
On day one, Professor X would have intimate knowledge of the congregation’s personal goals, problems, and secrets. Because of his master level mind-reading power, nothing would be hidden from him. He could get right to the spiritual matter for anyone who wanted to work on their life, even projecting himself into the subconscious to eliminate bad habits and poor attitudes. His mental powers make him the best choice for moral and emotional therapy.
Why he would fail:
The issue of privacy and consent would be a significant challenge for Professor X. Even if he could overcome that obstacle, he would still be approaching discipleship incorrectly. Due to his ability to access the human mind, Professor X has a distinct advantage in developing others. However, he completely overlooks the importance of the lengthy struggle of transformation. People need to experience seasons of pain, doubt, and inspiration to truly change their lives. It is impossible to skip any part of the arduous process involved in working on the human soul. 1 Peter 4:1 reminds us that suffering and sacrifice are essential components of being free from sin. While I wouldn’t mind having a few therapy sessions with Charles Xavier, he couldn’t be the ultimate solution.
Willy Wonka as Youth Director
What he offers:
A giant chocolate-and-candy factory with insanely fun interactive exhibits. The youth room would be the envy of the church.
Why he would fail:
One of the biggest blind spots in the Wonka series is how an eccentric, self-righteous, and antisocial man manages to work with children. His main attraction seems to be giving kids a tour of his giant factory, which one would think requires good people skills. Unfortunately, it’s not hard to find a youth director who becomes overly focused on the superficial aspects of youth ministry and loses sight of its true purpose. Distractions like youth room furnishings, summer trips, fun events, and other luxuries can overshadow the youth leader’s real job: to seek first the Kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 6:33). While Wonka would make a terrible youth director, I wouldn’t mind visiting his factory once a year.
Parks and Rec’s Leslie Knope as Worship Director
What she offers:
Leslie is bubbly, personable, resourceful in a crisis, and great at bringing the community together. Her management skills would ensure that the church is always prepared with the latest and most appropriate hymns. She can also handle the grumpy Ron Swansons who complain about the music choices.
Why she would fail:
Leslie is an excellent choice for any management position, and her person skills would bring great joy to the church. However, a worship role involves more than just selecting the right songs and being prepared. Leslie would need to actively cultivate a worship lifestyle. While singing loudly and passionately is one way to worship God, it’s not the only way to celebrate His qualities. Worship can also take the form of meditation, prayer, memorizing Bible verses, and serving others. Leslie would need to lead the church in adopting a worship lifestyle even when things looked dark or grim. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 illustrates continuous prayer and praise. Building a true worship lifestyle requires more than just being an organized manager; it takes consistent practice and dedication.
As wonderful as it would be to have a fictional character run your church, there are some serious flaws. Maybe that is why we love letting these characters entertain us, instead of managing our spiritual lives. The important thing is that through their stories, we can learn to be better disciples and servants.
About the Author
Michael P. Mordenga is a college minister for Campus One80 and an author who has just published his second devotional: The Checkpoint Year Two: 60 Devotionals Inspired by Popular Movies, Video Games, TV Shows, and Comics. You can read a free sample here.
This article was edited to Geeks Under Grace standards, and the personal opinions of this author are not necessarily that of Geeks Under Grace.
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